Sunday, September 24, 2006

Grateful Tuesdays #5 (A little short, a little late.)

My dear God,

Today I’m grateful for love. The kind of love they’re singing about right now. Two joined as one flying towards you.

Hm.

I hope to have that kind of love one day, God. Be in that kind of love, you know? I’d like, God, to play that divine game of pretend where I play Christ and the other plays your Bride. I thank you that this kind of love exists and that I might one day get to experience it; walk around and kind of play in it, you know like water, like a river. Of course, that'll happen in the future...

Oh my future.

I thank you for you, God. You’re one of the scariest people I know; you ask me to do such hard, hard things. Scary things. I see a lot of darkness right now. I don’t want to step into the darkness, God. It scares the heck out of me; you scare the heck out of me, God, the Hell out of me, I guess. And maybe that’s the point.

But you know what scares me most, my Love? Not holding on to you. Not being with you anymore. There’s real Hell, if you want to know. I'm getting cold and shivery on the inside right now thinking about it.

"If you want to know..."

But of course you do know. You know everything, God. Then why, I half-wonder, do you say that you will say to some, “Depart from me; I never knew you.”? I've talked to other people about this, but there's still a little bit of mystery in it. But I guess that’s the subject for another post. I should continue on, for I’ve much more to give thanks for. Example:

Whales! Thank you, God, for whales! Thank you for pelicans! Thank you for cranes and seals! Thank you for how you reveal yourself at the beach and in your creation in general. Thank you, God for Nature, this dear Sister you’ve given us, who gently, modestly gives an idea of who you are. She quietly paints thunderous pictures.

Did I already thank you for whales? I love their silent grace, dear God, they reassure me so very much of your presence. I turn into a little boy around them.

Ah, God, thank you that I can run to you; thank you that you’re always listening (and talking!). You’re the only one before whom I can unpack my whole mind. The only one who takes me just as I am. Others try, God; some make a noble effort. But my dear Lord, only someone of Godlike proportion could possibly even consider trying unweave the tangle in my brain. Know me, God. Bless me as I seek to know you.

3 comments:

Conan Leblanc said...

Grateful Tuesdays make me so happy.

Seriously, I read this every tuesday (or Sunday...) and it makes me... grateful?

I guess that's the point.

Thank you.

eucharisto said...

There is so much in this post that I relate to. It's really encouraging to read something like this, especially in a time in life where I've been uprooted and put into a new and foreign situation. My need for God's love has never been in such blinding clarity; just like you said of yourself, I'm suddenly very afraid of not having anything to hold onto. Everything familiar is miles away in every direction, as I go into a deep desperation to grab ahold of something firm.

I hope God never says to me, "depart from me"; because at this moment, I have nowhere else to go except God, and if He won't take me, then I'm finished.
Thank you, thank you for writing these posts. They put words into the mouths of us who can't speak because of fear and frustration.

Foolish Knight said...

Thank you guys; your words are very encouraging. Wow; I feel kinda special now.

Of course it was all God's idea anyway, and he's the one who gives us grace to give thanks to him in the end. (I myself have a lot of trouble giving thanks - which is one reason why I do this this way.)

That's really cool to know that God uses these posts to minister to people. (Yeah God!)