Thursday, January 03, 2008

Thinking Out Loud

Scattered Thoughts On Insecurities

Do you think the image of Christ is reflected in someone who has insecurities? Or, to phrase it a little more accurately, do you think Christ is reflected in someone's insecurities? Do those insecurities mar or make clearer the image of Christ in that believer?

Where do insecurities come from? What fosters their growth and helps them to take root in a person? in me?

Why do you think God has taken care to surround me with people who happen to be very secure in who they are?

What effect do insecurities have on a person and that person's friends?

Well, I think for me, having an insecurity in an area – say, how loved and affirmed you feel as a person – affects how I interact with people. If I'm looking to my friends to affirm who I am, I'll get upset or jealous when they do something without me. I'll feel like their desire to be with each other is a statement against me, rather than the perfectly innocent thing it is.

This then hurts me, my friends and our relationship. If I have to be included in everything my friends do... well that just gets ridiculous. And my friends are never going to be perfect at making me feel good about myself, at making me feel accepted and wanted all the time.

Yet, this is how I want to feel! I want to feel like everybody loves me. The one thing I want most is love and approval.

The funny thing is, according to how I understand my spirituality, this is how I am supposed to feel. I am supposed to look for love, approval, companionship, acceptance, a sense of belonging – all these things, outside myself. Something, someone was/is supposed to be pouring all this information into me. To be wrapping their arms around me.

I remember the Summer of '06 (my second year of counseling at Trout Creek Bible Camp) being absolutely tortured, just torn apart, by this other counselor who never did a thing to me, said nothing but anything nice to me. He just was very, very comfortable with his identity. Nothing could make him feel less than what he believed himself to be. It was absolutely infuriating.

No matter what his campers told him or how disrespectful they were to him, or what people said or teased him about (if anyone actually did tease him – I think I'm making that up), he would just let it roll off his back, laugh and jump over tables and things, since that's the kind of thing he was wont to do.

Thankfully, we are good friends now (by the grace of God). Mostly because, my next Summer back at camp, I had a different job and was a little more secure in who I was, myself. Thank God that he keeps on working on us, on me.


The Traveler, said...

I know what you mean, about the friends doing stuff and feeling left out. That's happened to me a few times and it more or less ruined a friendship. It wasn't a very strong friendship, and it led to another friendship which actually turned out to be quite a lasting one. So count it all joy brother.

Jon said...

Whoops. That wasn't the blog I use anymore...

Katie said...

Hi friend... Hm. Insecurity. I don't know that I think its how we are supposed to feel about ourselves. Yes, its true we need something outside ourselves (God) and we have an emptiness because of it. I think that emptiness/need is not the reflection of Christ in us, but of our worldly self. We will not feel fully complete until we are with him and have our new life.

I have actually been feeling pretty insecure lately, and I think its an attack frankly. The Deceiver wants us to question who we are and how impactful we are in the world around us. If he can do that he will make us ineffective. It is actually through our union in Christ that we should have confidenced and peace. We do have something very important to offer the world because we are the reflection of Christ, even if it is imperfect so many times. Ephesians says we are to have confidence!

Know that I always love you and adore being your friend. You are secure more than you think because you are ALWAYS desired by our Father.