Sunday, February 25, 2007

God why do you put up with this?

You should make a rule not to allow people like me to come to you. You should put up a sign or something. I'm a repeating offender, God! What's wrong with you?

I know. I know what's wrong with you: You love me. We've talked about this before. But don't you know that people who love get hurt, God? Like I was telling my friend, I feel like I've been tossed a bunch of balls I'm supposed to juggle. I was doing all right earlier, I thought, but now I'm on the ground now, looking at all the things I've dropped. I know that none of them are broken, but still I feel frustrated that I'm still getting things wrong.

God, of course I don't want to reject your love. It's just that I'm frustrated, and I guess I feel better when I feel like I've earned it a little.


Katie said...

You can't earn it. I know I keep trying. What I think I've earned is just my disillusionment and deception.

We will spend our whole lives not understanding our God's love for us. I know the hardest thing for me is just to accept being loved by others. I feel I will never earn it or deserve it. But isn't that the joy of real love? We don't have to earn it. We are safe in it.

eucharisto said...

Just as a (perhaps backhanded) encouragement, it would behoove you to know that you will NEVER earn it, to any extent. It's not even spiritually or philosophically possible. God's love comes only as an undeserved gift. If we could earn it, we'd cheapen the gift. It's to God's glory that you can't earn it, but that He gives it anyway. It blesses Him. And for you to accept His love makes it all the more glorious and praiseworthy to God.

Every ball that you drop, every failure, makes His gift more meaningful, and more profound. Therefore, His love is perfected in our weakness. That's what the verse means! :)

Queen of Arts and England said...

I recognize that bird and that gutter and that bush, it kinda looks like what I see when I look out my window in the morning, oh wait, it is!

Bless your heart. It is strange to think that we have the love of the One who imagined us, and I know what you mean about feeling like you have to earn it. You know, I think all He wants is you.