Saturday, October 28, 2006

My Spirit Broad Awake (Grateful Tuesdays #10)

Dear God,

Thank you for my Dad and his willingness to sit with me and work through my application. I hate paperwork, but this needs to get done. I'm so grateful that I have a dad who doesn't leave me to handle this all myself (he kind of reflects you that way, doesn't he?)

Thank you for how you've shown that this thing with Seattle Pacific is a part of your plan. I like being lead by you, and I really really like it when I know that it's you leading.

Thank you for the word "dwell". Right now I'm not always working in an place that's not 100% of you, but I can rest in that which is of you. I dwell in your presence.

I'm so glad to be practicing what I preach and being in the world but not of it. Thank you for this opportunity to see beyond myself.

I'm so selfish and of such a limited vision. Limited in that I really only see myself. Although, you know that's not 100% true, because the other day a fellow was telling me about how you, God, would have to come down from Heaven and walk up to him and say hello. I was looking at a tree, its leaves turning to Autumn colors while he was talking, and thought about how blind he was. I see you in trees. I see you everywhere, so I guess I don't only see myself. Though it sure feels like it at times.

Thank you for giving a broader view of your world, through this film thing, God. I look at normal people I pass on the street a little differently now, God. How much you love them, God. And how heartbreaking that they hate you. You know that I've told you that I hate you. But you always pull me through it, and you and I come out on the other side, better acquainted because of it. I come out better known. And isn't that the point?

My God, I thank you for being real! For asking only that I present the real me to you! These people talk as if a life with you would be a life of hiding and fakery. Did they ever know you? Don't they see that life apart from you is the fake life? I wonder why you allow there blindness continue.

Thank you for Sufjan Stevens, and the Danielson Family and all those other artists who encourage me by listening to your voice instead of the world's. What companionship I find with these friends! Thank you for companionship. Thank you for Eucharisto and The Queen of Arts and England and my family and Tuesday's Child (from whom I completely stole the title for this post) and Katie and all those other wonderful people who teach me how to walk on this road and where to look to see you better.

I thank you for existence, though, you should know, it can get very messy at times. Lot's of sad things going on here, God. Lots of miscommunication. Lies, you know. And people getting mixed up as to what's really going on.

God, we need you.

I guess all we need do is open our eyes, huh? To see you and what you're doing? If only I was awake! Go ahead, God. Like Tuesday's Child said, stab my spirit broad awake. Let me see you for the first time.

In Jesus' name.



eucharisto said...

I'm so thankful that you're thankful for my friendship, because I've been thanking God every time I remember that He's bringing you up to my side of the world. And I'm deeply thankful for your friendship as well! I wait in eager anticipation of news of your future arrival. Keep us updated!

Anonymous said...

I found your blog when I googled some jibberish listed at the end of my spam e-mail. I hope you continue your search for truth with all your current vigor and wish you the best.