I read to fall asleep.

Not that I have trouble falling asleep, but laying my head down on my pillow in any state other than total exhaustion feels like I'm wasting time. Which may sound like a mild emotion, but for me wasting time is a five alarm fire. Not having something for my brain to chew on when I'm awake feels like my mind is being held against a cheese grater. My brain calls for all hands on deck and really scares the rest of me into submission: if my feet, arms, and eyes don't work together to get ahold of something, anything to think about, to digest — a cereal box, a sugar packet, a cookbook — then my the ribbony mass of my brain will unspool, and I'll melt into a Salvador Dali painting.

And I can't lie to myself about being exhausted while reading, the way I can when I'm watching a movie or on my phone.