God why do you put up with this?

You should make a rule not to allow people like me to come to you. You should put up a sign or something. I'm a repeating offender, God! What's wrong with you?

I know. I know what's wrong with you: You love me. We've talked about this before. But don't you know that people who love get hurt, God? Like I was telling my friend, I feel like I've been tossed a bunch of balls I'm supposed to juggle. I was doing all right earlier, I thought, but now I'm on the ground now, looking at all the things I've dropped. I know that none of them are broken, but still I feel frustrated that I'm still getting things wrong.

God, of course I don't want to reject your love. It's just that I'm frustrated, and I guess I feel better when I feel like I've earned it a little.

Today I found out that...

Terrence Malick's dad gave Jeffrey Overstreet a call to thank him for Jeff's review of The New World.

Well, that's pretty cool. I hope something like that happens to me one day. Hey! That makes three of us who like the movie!Hey, while we're on the subject, I was wondering if any of you has any favorite characters from this movie. I feel very alone in my likeing of this movie, so I hope someone comments eventually. Maybe Mr. Malick will. That would be cool.

From Habakkuk, Chapter Three:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Today Is Groundhog Day!

And you know what that means, people. It means that, if I were the kind of person to uphold this kind of thing, then the polls for the Official Foolish Knight Vote to Determine Which Films Are the Greatest Ever Made (OFKVDWFAGEM, for short) would close today. However, owning to my being too busy to form complete thoughts and...


I'm accepting late votes, and I probably won't even tally the ones I get till spring anyway. I know, I do this every year. My most humble apologies go to Brewster, who always gets his lists in good time and puts great stuff on his lists that never gets voted for. (I have a feeling this year will be different, Brewster! Hang in there ol' boy!)

Okay, you may now resume your normal lives and watch Bill Murray movies. (Oh, and I'm going to assume you mean the first installment of a trilogy if you enter the whole trilogy as one big movie, just so you know.)

The Greatest Website Ever!

Over the course of my life and especially now with the recent rise of my globally recognised media empire (I have, for example, a blogger account and a Facebook account; I also have access to someone's MySpace account - or, at least, I did until I forgot the password) I am often accosted by eager-looking bright-eyed young people who want to somehow extract from me the secret of my success in the Internet world. Of course, it's my duty to straighten them out right away by reminding them that the secret of success lies within, and that they can't expect me to be able to find the answers for them. That being understood, I ask them if there's anything else I can help them with.

They all kind of look at their feet at this point and begin developing strange emotional complexes because they see that, of course, they should have known that answer full well without having to ask me. So I generally say something encouraging to them in a gentle voice, shift my weight onto my right foot and just wait for a spell. I know which question is going to come next.

A somewhat scrawny kid in the back will generally be the one to meekly stick his hand up into the air and summon the strength to voice the one (other) question that hangs over the meeting like a really big black and purple cloud.

"Mr. Foolish Knight," he'll say with rising excitement in his voice, "what, in your opinion, is the GREATEST WEBSITE EVER MADE?"

At this point, I'm the one who starts to feel embarrassed because, scanning through the list of all my favorite sites and not finding one that quite meets that criteria, I realise that, quite simply, I don't know what to tell them.

Or at least I didn't, until just recently.

Thankfully, this little website have changed all of that; I introduce to you:

The Official Website of the Dorks Of America!

Yes! It's true! Don't you feel all fuzzy inside just thinking of it? This is the place where all of the wonderful DOA videos are stored! Just think! Now you can watch them anytime you want! I directed a handful of them, so you know it's high quality stuff. With these videos also comes some side stuff that's not strictly DOA material. For example there's:

Sound Men Dance

Add to My Profile | More Videos

hilarious and family-friendly footage of odd and yet somehow likable people doing strange and wonderful things, and:

The Chairs

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Which is actually a Mere Image production and is kind of along the same lines as the last video (I mean, concerning the whole "people acting strangely" thing).

Some of the best Dorks Of America material includes:

Don't Lose your Head

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Beatbox

Add to My Profile | More Videos

And the Pirate Episodes (I directed episodes five through seven, so I have a little bias there as to which ones are best).

There's a world of fun out there, kiddos! Go grab it while you can! And be sure to let me know which ones are you favorites, okay? All right! Go have fun!

If I may offer a few thoughts...

I know you didn't ask, but in case you wanted to know, I enjoy talking. I enjoy talking about myself and offering thoughts and opinions on art, God and other people to whoever is willing to listen. I think the struggle for me is finding out how to offer my opinions and think things through out loud without turning my thoughts into a kind of trumpet to gain attention and notoriety in my little circle of friends.

It's hard living on this earth for a number of reasons, but I think that one of the harder ones would be that (undying) desire to perform well in front of your peers, not to give them a good show but so that they will validate you with their approval. So that they will redeem you from the pit; the pit of being alone, of being perceived as worthless.

Why is it that I miss what (in the words of the new song) what Love has done here? My Love, my Savior has completed me. Like a bride and bridegroom complete each other. Like a parent and a child. When I abide in my Love and He abides in me, I want for nothing.

Then why do I want for everything? Why do I long for arms to come around me like the applause of the world on its feet? Who am I looking to for redemption? Why is the one thing I need the slipperiest thing to grab? Why does the love of any of the many artist and authors I admire more appealing than the love of God? Is it because I've grown used to the love of God? Is it just not an exciting enough idea anymore? Has it always just been an idea to me?

No. I've known the love of God. I feel it in the edge of the song I'm listening to right now, I feel it when I can't see anything much but the stars kissing the dark above me.

There's darkness in me, but it's not the strongest part of me. The strongest part of me is the giant asleep in the corner. If only we could wake him; he'd show the bad guys a thing or two.

I've once speculated that writing is perhaps a kind of exorcism. That is that, unless I were able to put all (or at least as many as I could) of my thoughts down of paper (or cyberspace, in this case). I would be overcome by something. Something like darkness. I think I still stand by that statement. I think there's no other way to explain what I'm doing now.

I hope you know that this is a poor picture of my mind as it is right now. These are merely some of the deeper things that haven't been able get out in normal conversation. This is what I get for not blogging in so long.

More thoughts later...

The Hiatus Bug Strikes!

Just letting you all know that I'm going to cease my blogging activities for a little while and don't plan on resuming until after Christmas at least. However, keep sending your list of favorite movies, and (because I know someone will ask) I will be counting The Lord of the Rings trilogy as three separate films.

Oi! I've been tagged!

Eucharisto would like to know 25 things I would like to do before I die. Here are the 25 that came to mind.

1. Make great films. Perhaps even for a living, or as a calling.
2. Write an amazing book with little or no effort.
3. Meet Bono.
4. Learn how to speak Slovak fluently (beyond such impressive phrases as "Please pass the apple juice." and "I'm sorry. I speak very little Slovak."). Or French. It would be cool to speak French.
5. Collaborate with Sufjan Stevens on something.
6. Marry a beautiful woman (of God's choosing), and be an amazing husband.
7. Have amazing kids (at least one girl, please!) and be an amazing father.
8. Do amazing voice-over work for an amazing animated movie. Even if just once.
9. Love God as he deserves.
10. Make a highly successful screen adaptation of The Man Who Was Thursday that G. K. Chesterton would love.
11. Learn to sing.
12. Learn to draw really, really well.
13. Learn to paint.
14. Write a children's book (I mean - borrowing from Jack - the kind of book that I would have like to have read when I was a child).
15. Tour the Europe I don't know very well (preferably with one or two really good friends).
16. Revisit the Europe that I do know well.
17. Write at least one half-way decent movie review of a great film.
18. Learn how to dance. No, really, I'm more serious than Eucharisto was.
19. Run around some really colorful rain forest somewhere.
20. Inspire people towards their relationship in Christ.
21. Learn to cook.
22. Learn to sew.
23. Direct my friends in great films.
24. Provide for my family.
25. Learn how to really, honestly love.

===

Oh yeah! I forgot to tag people. Umm... I tag
The Queen of Arts and England
Eriol (because he's conservative at heart)
Katie
JD (because he was the first to comment)
Why
and
Midsummer

Like Forgivness from the Sky (Grateful Tuesdays #15, Short and Late)

Dear Heavenly Father,

Snow, God! Thank you for creating snow! It's such a wonderful invention and just shows your extravagant love by the detail you put into this world's design. Thank you that we can see, God. That we can see snowflakes and sunsets and rainbows against a cloudy sky.

Thank you for how the eye works; how anyone could think this design could have come about by anything other than you is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the conversation I was able to have with my friend on the phone the other night. I thank you for your design for friendship in general. The beauty of companionship is breathtaking. Painful at times, but still absolutely breathtaking.

Thank you, God for telephones. For communication in general. Once again, when communication is messed up, it's the beginning of wars and death and the like, but, when done right, it's beautiful.

Thank you, God for these cool speakers we have. I love listening to music on these things. Thank you also that the left speaker's not broken after all.

Thank you for computers, Elric, and for music in general. Thank you also for my friend who notices things like music and thinks about it in that certain way that starts your mind rolling towards thanksgiving again.

Thank you for the picture on my desk.

Thank you so much for your grace, God and that you desire to restore and forgive and that you desire not harm for your creation but life. Thank you for the forgiveness others afford me. The forgiveness you afford me. The love I'm so blind to all the time yet never diminishes.

There's so much more to thank you for! But I need to publish this, so I'll just end by thanking you for who you are and pray that I would live out thanksgiving throughout my day.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Well, apparently no one reads my blog any more.

But that's okay, because I was never writing for any of you anyway! So ha! Take that!

Okay, now I'm sad.

What I really meant to say is that, even though I know most of you guys are in school and things are getting kind of hectic, you should be putting most of your brain power towards two things. One, what you are going to get me for Christmas. Two, who/what you want to vote for in my upcoming annual very-patriotic family-friendly Groundhog Day vote! (Sorry Walter.)
Last year, if you'll recall. I asked you to vote on your twenty favorite "moment" songs, tunes that caught your ear at the time; the year before that is was favorite songs in general. Well, I never meant to restrict the voting to songs, so after much deliberation, I have decided that the fabulous subject for this year's vote will be:

Film!
Yes, I know, I the Foolish Knight am talking about film. Please try to contain your shock if you would, and instead, start getting out your pencils and legal pads; go to your local video store, breath life back into your Nexflix cue, and bring me back a list of your twenty five favorite films (in order of first favorite to twenty-fifth favorite) by February second! Go! Go! Have fun! Be safe! Don't play snap ball in the middle of the street! Brush twice daily! And (most importantly) be sure to drink plenty of water, okay? All right, now go!

Installment Twenty Seven...

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

-G. K. Chesterton (from his excellent "On Running After One's Hat")

(Grateful Tuesdays #14)

Dear Heavenly Father,

There are so many things to be thankful for. The extraordinary life you give, the rich, rich blessing to you allow to grow in my life. You have regenerated my soul! You have removed my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh! With your odd mixture of mud and spit, you have washed away my blindness replacing it with a glorious vision.

Father, I am turned against you many times. I am thinking only of my self many times. Yet you send your love and allow it to flow deep within me.

I thank you for the wonderful films I've seen recently. Thank you that I can even thank you for these films. Some of your people feel guilty for watching and enjoying movies.

I thank you for the freedom you give us. The glorious freedom! Father, with your wind under our sails, our spirits can fly! We are allowed to dwell in your presence!

Father, I am completely undeserving of your love. Father, I feel that I am weak and half-hearted, even at my best. I can talk about you all day long, but I enter into your presence (or even think of it) far too rarely.

Yet you pour your love into me, like Multnomah Falls into its basin.

I thank you for my family and the love we share. It's only because of your grace that I enjoy such a good relationship with each one of my family members. Thank you for increasing us in love. Thank you also for my WorldView family and my extended family.

Thank you for the Newmans, and the present they got me. I'm glad we can joke with each other and laugh. I don't ever want to be in a place in my life where I've lost my ability to joke, to find humor in something. I really really want to write an article about that.

Thank you so much, my dear Father, for the Queen of Arts and England. Her friendship casts such a warm glow on my life. Thank you for the conversation we had last night and how she turns my thoughts towards you.

God, I've experienced some hard things over the past few decades, but nothing worth complaining about when you consider all the lovely things you have filled my cup with. Jesus, you are the best lover. You love with a pure love none can match. All the metaphors in nature can only hint at character of the love you have for me.

So why do I leave this love? Why do I... Oh, I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get the hang of living with you, God. I don't know that I'll ever love you with the love you deserve. Not here anyway.

You have restored my life! You have brought healing and love filling in the dry cracks. I don't know how to say it, really, but I'm grateful. And I guess we can for now just leave it at that. I love you (because you love me).

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

A Broken Heart Love's Cradle Is (Grateful Tuesdays #12 & 13)

Father,

I'm remember thinking yesterday that it's been a while since I needed your grace. What a terrible thing to think; I don't ever want to fall into that frame of mind again.

I thank you for your grace; I thank you that you seek restoration. How terrible it would be if you delighted in tripping us up. How wonderful it is that you instead bring healing. You are a warrior and a healer, like the best heroes in stories.

Stories.

What a confusing place this world is! Everyone has so many opinions and I'm never really sure what to think. I wonder if I want too much to follow you; if I'm too fevered and in my fervor I miss something, if it would be better for me just to rest.

Father, I'm reminded once again that I can talk with no one the way I talk with you. I hope you don't mind my being so free with you. It's just that, I need to talk with someone this way, and you seem the most willing to listen. Also you are always listening. Which I thank you for.

I think clouds are a marvelous design, God. Floating water? Who would have thought of that? And to see light refracted in the tiny water molecules (yes, I know, all water molecules are tiny) is something that would set anybody straight if they stopped to think about it.

Thank you for golden hour! Thank you for beauty in general.

How tragic that we don't see you when we look at your creation, God, or at the state of the world. How sad it is that so many are blind. I thank you so much for what you've allowed me to see; I don't deserve life or love more than anyone else.

Thank you once again for grace, restoration and healing.

Thank you for all my friends and all the people who could come to my birthday party; thank you for how much fun that was. I feel very spoiled, to be honest. Whether by you or not, I don't know. Thank you for my friend, Moriah and that we could celebrate together. Thank you that Eucharisto could come.

The sight of a bird flying just right against the wind so that it just stays in one spot is a beautiful thing, God. A small wonder.

Thank you that my friendship with my sister gets deeper each day; what a beautiful thing there.

Thank you that my application is finally submitted! Oi, I didn't handle that situation well.

I just want to do what's right, God. I think. I want to be loved, deeper than (I see now) any human can love me. Help me to see your love for me, and help me to know the truth.

I love you.

Amen

Words

I think "myriad" is a fine word.

Note: "Alot" is not a word, neither is (according to Walter Strunk Jr.) "alright". Both should be written as two words.

Notice

Dear Internet World,

My birthday is in four days. You had all better be buying me presents.

Right Next to You (Grateful Tuesdays #11)

Dear God,

Thank you for old, black and white film. For the scratches and for the jumps. The aesthetics of it is so pleasing. So real.

I thank you for the promise of being real some day.

Thank you for the view outside our bedroom window. For the crow that just flew by, casting its shadow on the frost covered roof of the church next door. The frost almost makes the roof look attractive.

I thank you for beautiful church buildings. For the stone and the stained glass, the way the light filters in, kind of respectfully in that it enter the church very slowly and quietly.

Ouch! Growth is hard, God. To be humbled by you is hard. In a way I hate it, but I also know that it's a part of bringing me closer to you. So I thank you for the humbling you're doing to me, even though I'd rather it didn't have to happen.

Thank you that I can be vulnerable with you, that that's all you really want of me.

Thank you that you are greater than our heart, even if our heart condemns us.

Thank you for Ada and Inman, how Inman's life kind of remind me of my life, his wanderings and desire to do the right thing. God, did you know it's hard for us humans to do the right thing? It's hard for me anyway. I don't know why I have so much trouble with it; other people seem to have an easier time with it.

Thank you for our walk yesterday. I'd rather be alone with you in Mt. Tabor park than anyone else, and I mean that.

Thank you for my friend BDT and for the opportunities he's had to share you with those around him. Thank you also so much for getting to spend time with him tonight. I see you so much more clearly when he's around.

Thank you for letting us go trick-or-treating with some of the most wonderful people around.

Thank you for Jason and how he keeps me growing even though it's hard.

Okay, God, you want me heading towards bed right now. Be with me throughout my week, God. I don't want to give a false picture of you; I don't want to worship a false you. Thank you for how I see you working.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

My Spirit Broad Awake (Grateful Tuesdays #10)

Dear God,

Thank you for my Dad and his willingness to sit with me and work through my application. I hate paperwork, but this needs to get done. I'm so grateful that I have a dad who doesn't leave me to handle this all myself (he kind of reflects you that way, doesn't he?)

Thank you for how you've shown that this thing with Seattle Pacific is a part of your plan. I like being lead by you, and I really really like it when I know that it's you leading.

Thank you for the word "dwell". Right now I'm not always working in an place that's not 100% of you, but I can rest in that which is of you. I dwell in your presence.

I'm so glad to be practicing what I preach and being in the world but not of it. Thank you for this opportunity to see beyond myself.

I'm so selfish and of such a limited vision. Limited in that I really only see myself. Although, you know that's not 100% true, because the other day a fellow was telling me about how you, God, would have to come down from Heaven and walk up to him and say hello. I was looking at a tree, its leaves turning to Autumn colors while he was talking, and thought about how blind he was. I see you in trees. I see you everywhere, so I guess I don't only see myself. Though it sure feels like it at times.

Thank you for giving a broader view of your world, through this film thing, God. I look at normal people I pass on the street a little differently now, God. How much you love them, God. And how heartbreaking that they hate you. You know that I've told you that I hate you. But you always pull me through it, and you and I come out on the other side, better acquainted because of it. I come out better known. And isn't that the point?

My God, I thank you for being real! For asking only that I present the real me to you! These people talk as if a life with you would be a life of hiding and fakery. Did they ever know you? Don't they see that life apart from you is the fake life? I wonder why you allow there blindness continue.

Thank you for Sufjan Stevens, and the Danielson Family and all those other artists who encourage me by listening to your voice instead of the world's. What companionship I find with these friends! Thank you for companionship. Thank you for Eucharisto and The Queen of Arts and England and my family and Tuesday's Child (from whom I completely stole the title for this post) and Katie and all those other wonderful people who teach me how to walk on this road and where to look to see you better.

I thank you for existence, though, you should know, it can get very messy at times. Lot's of sad things going on here, God. Lots of miscommunication. Lies, you know. And people getting mixed up as to what's really going on.

God, we need you.

I guess all we need do is open our eyes, huh? To see you and what you're doing? If only I was awake! Go ahead, God. Like Tuesday's Child said, stab my spirit broad awake. Let me see you for the first time.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

A Good Famile

I can't tell you how glad I am that there are people making music (and music videos) like this.

I also can't really explain why. (Not right now anyway.) However, if you'd like more information on these particular friends of God, then simply click here.

Good Books

I'm compiling a list of really good books, but, because of my scattered brain, I need your help. What titles am I missing? (Man, this set up sounds like a set up for a grade-school puzzle: "Jim-Bo is trying to organise all his socks, but he needs your help! Can you put all the blue socks in their proper basket without getting eaten by the wild, man-eating candy bar? Give it a try!)

Here are the titles I have so far:

Addicted to Mediocrity
Brendan
The Elements of Style
Fahrenheit 451
Gilead
Godric
The Great Divorce
Leaving Ruin
The Lord of the Rings
The Man Who Was Thursday
Orthodoxy
Peace Like a River
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
Perelandra
Soul Survivor
Searching for God Knows What
The Silmarillion
The Storm
Till We Have Faces
Wishful Thinking
Watership Down
What’s So Amazing About Grace?

UPDATE 10/27:But wait! There's more; here are the titles that have both been suggested by you and have lept out at me:

The Adventures of Hucklebery Finn
Cry, the Beloved Country
To Kill a Mockingbird
Walking on Water
A Wrinkle In Time

Keep the suggestions coming!

Where the Wind Calls Your Name (Grateful Tuesdays #9)

Dear God,

I'm in a little bit of a hurry today, but hopefully my attitude of thanks won't stop when I hit "Publish".

I thank you for my friends. I thank you for how refreshing they are, I don't know if this is a good thing to be glad for or not, but I am really glad that they don't swear like the inmates in Shawshank Redemption and that they don't smoke like chimneys.

I'm grateful for the ways I've seen you work your restoration in relationships and the ways I've seen you answer prayer on the film set. I'm glad to be praying for people who don't know you, which is really experience I haven't known before.

I'm grateful for you. You are my God. You are the I AM THAT I AM. You are the perfect Trinity, perfect in love and truth and a burning fiercely joyous holiness. The fire of your presence consumes that which is not of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for turning from something that is not of you into something that is of you. I am now made of the stuff of Heaven. All thanks and glory goes to you. It's all because of you, I AM.

I grateful that you and I both got the joke above, the reference to one of your servant's songs, a pun that a lot of people missed. I'm more glad than I can say that you caught the joke though.

Thank you for being beyond me. Way, way beyond me. How horrible to have a god that you define! Instead of one that defines you. I'm so glad that you created, gave life and breath and define me. I would have no other do so.

I thank you that you (1) call me to live and love you with wild abandon and (2) enable me to love you in such a way.

I also that you that your love for me is vibrant and bold. Any love I've felt, for you or anyone else pales in comparison. If only I could love you with the love you have for me!

Thank you for music. All styles, including country (when it's done right). I'm grateful for Rock 'n' Roll also. I'm glad that you like it to. I know you do, because I've seen you use it to communicate yourself.

Thank you for not leaving us high dry, thank you for always offering your presence. Allow me to walk and breath and live your presence for the rest of my life.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.