The Greatest Website Ever!

Over the course of my life and especially now with the recent rise of my globally recognised media empire (I have, for example, a blogger account and a Facebook account; I also have access to someone's MySpace account - or, at least, I did until I forgot the password) I am often accosted by eager-looking bright-eyed young people who want to somehow extract from me the secret of my success in the Internet world. Of course, it's my duty to straighten them out right away by reminding them that the secret of success lies within, and that they can't expect me to be able to find the answers for them. That being understood, I ask them if there's anything else I can help them with.

They all kind of look at their feet at this point and begin developing strange emotional complexes because they see that, of course, they should have known that answer full well without having to ask me. So I generally say something encouraging to them in a gentle voice, shift my weight onto my right foot and just wait for a spell. I know which question is going to come next.

A somewhat scrawny kid in the back will generally be the one to meekly stick his hand up into the air and summon the strength to voice the one (other) question that hangs over the meeting like a really big black and purple cloud.

"Mr. Foolish Knight," he'll say with rising excitement in his voice, "what, in your opinion, is the GREATEST WEBSITE EVER MADE?"

At this point, I'm the one who starts to feel embarrassed because, scanning through the list of all my favorite sites and not finding one that quite meets that criteria, I realise that, quite simply, I don't know what to tell them.

Or at least I didn't, until just recently.

Thankfully, this little website have changed all of that; I introduce to you:

The Official Website of the Dorks Of America!

Yes! It's true! Don't you feel all fuzzy inside just thinking of it? This is the place where all of the wonderful DOA videos are stored! Just think! Now you can watch them anytime you want! I directed a handful of them, so you know it's high quality stuff. With these videos also comes some side stuff that's not strictly DOA material. For example there's:

Sound Men Dance

Add to My Profile | More Videos

hilarious and family-friendly footage of odd and yet somehow likable people doing strange and wonderful things, and:

The Chairs

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Which is actually a Mere Image production and is kind of along the same lines as the last video (I mean, concerning the whole "people acting strangely" thing).

Some of the best Dorks Of America material includes:

Don't Lose your Head

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Beatbox

Add to My Profile | More Videos

And the Pirate Episodes (I directed episodes five through seven, so I have a little bias there as to which ones are best).

There's a world of fun out there, kiddos! Go grab it while you can! And be sure to let me know which ones are you favorites, okay? All right! Go have fun!

If I may offer a few thoughts...

I know you didn't ask, but in case you wanted to know, I enjoy talking. I enjoy talking about myself and offering thoughts and opinions on art, God and other people to whoever is willing to listen. I think the struggle for me is finding out how to offer my opinions and think things through out loud without turning my thoughts into a kind of trumpet to gain attention and notoriety in my little circle of friends.

It's hard living on this earth for a number of reasons, but I think that one of the harder ones would be that (undying) desire to perform well in front of your peers, not to give them a good show but so that they will validate you with their approval. So that they will redeem you from the pit; the pit of being alone, of being perceived as worthless.

Why is it that I miss what (in the words of the new song) what Love has done here? My Love, my Savior has completed me. Like a bride and bridegroom complete each other. Like a parent and a child. When I abide in my Love and He abides in me, I want for nothing.

Then why do I want for everything? Why do I long for arms to come around me like the applause of the world on its feet? Who am I looking to for redemption? Why is the one thing I need the slipperiest thing to grab? Why does the love of any of the many artist and authors I admire more appealing than the love of God? Is it because I've grown used to the love of God? Is it just not an exciting enough idea anymore? Has it always just been an idea to me?

No. I've known the love of God. I feel it in the edge of the song I'm listening to right now, I feel it when I can't see anything much but the stars kissing the dark above me.

There's darkness in me, but it's not the strongest part of me. The strongest part of me is the giant asleep in the corner. If only we could wake him; he'd show the bad guys a thing or two.

I've once speculated that writing is perhaps a kind of exorcism. That is that, unless I were able to put all (or at least as many as I could) of my thoughts down of paper (or cyberspace, in this case). I would be overcome by something. Something like darkness. I think I still stand by that statement. I think there's no other way to explain what I'm doing now.

I hope you know that this is a poor picture of my mind as it is right now. These are merely some of the deeper things that haven't been able get out in normal conversation. This is what I get for not blogging in so long.

More thoughts later...

The Hiatus Bug Strikes!

Just letting you all know that I'm going to cease my blogging activities for a little while and don't plan on resuming until after Christmas at least. However, keep sending your list of favorite movies, and (because I know someone will ask) I will be counting The Lord of the Rings trilogy as three separate films.

Oi! I've been tagged!

Eucharisto would like to know 25 things I would like to do before I die. Here are the 25 that came to mind.

1. Make great films. Perhaps even for a living, or as a calling.
2. Write an amazing book with little or no effort.
3. Meet Bono.
4. Learn how to speak Slovak fluently (beyond such impressive phrases as "Please pass the apple juice." and "I'm sorry. I speak very little Slovak."). Or French. It would be cool to speak French.
5. Collaborate with Sufjan Stevens on something.
6. Marry a beautiful woman (of God's choosing), and be an amazing husband.
7. Have amazing kids (at least one girl, please!) and be an amazing father.
8. Do amazing voice-over work for an amazing animated movie. Even if just once.
9. Love God as he deserves.
10. Make a highly successful screen adaptation of The Man Who Was Thursday that G. K. Chesterton would love.
11. Learn to sing.
12. Learn to draw really, really well.
13. Learn to paint.
14. Write a children's book (I mean - borrowing from Jack - the kind of book that I would have like to have read when I was a child).
15. Tour the Europe I don't know very well (preferably with one or two really good friends).
16. Revisit the Europe that I do know well.
17. Write at least one half-way decent movie review of a great film.
18. Learn how to dance. No, really, I'm more serious than Eucharisto was.
19. Run around some really colorful rain forest somewhere.
20. Inspire people towards their relationship in Christ.
21. Learn to cook.
22. Learn to sew.
23. Direct my friends in great films.
24. Provide for my family.
25. Learn how to really, honestly love.

===

Oh yeah! I forgot to tag people. Umm... I tag
The Queen of Arts and England
Eriol (because he's conservative at heart)
Katie
JD (because he was the first to comment)
Why
and
Midsummer

Like Forgivness from the Sky (Grateful Tuesdays #15, Short and Late)

Dear Heavenly Father,

Snow, God! Thank you for creating snow! It's such a wonderful invention and just shows your extravagant love by the detail you put into this world's design. Thank you that we can see, God. That we can see snowflakes and sunsets and rainbows against a cloudy sky.

Thank you for how the eye works; how anyone could think this design could have come about by anything other than you is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the conversation I was able to have with my friend on the phone the other night. I thank you for your design for friendship in general. The beauty of companionship is breathtaking. Painful at times, but still absolutely breathtaking.

Thank you, God for telephones. For communication in general. Once again, when communication is messed up, it's the beginning of wars and death and the like, but, when done right, it's beautiful.

Thank you, God for these cool speakers we have. I love listening to music on these things. Thank you also that the left speaker's not broken after all.

Thank you for computers, Elric, and for music in general. Thank you also for my friend who notices things like music and thinks about it in that certain way that starts your mind rolling towards thanksgiving again.

Thank you for the picture on my desk.

Thank you so much for your grace, God and that you desire to restore and forgive and that you desire not harm for your creation but life. Thank you for the forgiveness others afford me. The forgiveness you afford me. The love I'm so blind to all the time yet never diminishes.

There's so much more to thank you for! But I need to publish this, so I'll just end by thanking you for who you are and pray that I would live out thanksgiving throughout my day.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Well, apparently no one reads my blog any more.

But that's okay, because I was never writing for any of you anyway! So ha! Take that!

Okay, now I'm sad.

What I really meant to say is that, even though I know most of you guys are in school and things are getting kind of hectic, you should be putting most of your brain power towards two things. One, what you are going to get me for Christmas. Two, who/what you want to vote for in my upcoming annual very-patriotic family-friendly Groundhog Day vote! (Sorry Walter.)
Last year, if you'll recall. I asked you to vote on your twenty favorite "moment" songs, tunes that caught your ear at the time; the year before that is was favorite songs in general. Well, I never meant to restrict the voting to songs, so after much deliberation, I have decided that the fabulous subject for this year's vote will be:

Film!
Yes, I know, I the Foolish Knight am talking about film. Please try to contain your shock if you would, and instead, start getting out your pencils and legal pads; go to your local video store, breath life back into your Nexflix cue, and bring me back a list of your twenty five favorite films (in order of first favorite to twenty-fifth favorite) by February second! Go! Go! Have fun! Be safe! Don't play snap ball in the middle of the street! Brush twice daily! And (most importantly) be sure to drink plenty of water, okay? All right, now go!

Installment Twenty Seven...

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

-G. K. Chesterton (from his excellent "On Running After One's Hat")

(Grateful Tuesdays #14)

Dear Heavenly Father,

There are so many things to be thankful for. The extraordinary life you give, the rich, rich blessing to you allow to grow in my life. You have regenerated my soul! You have removed my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh! With your odd mixture of mud and spit, you have washed away my blindness replacing it with a glorious vision.

Father, I am turned against you many times. I am thinking only of my self many times. Yet you send your love and allow it to flow deep within me.

I thank you for the wonderful films I've seen recently. Thank you that I can even thank you for these films. Some of your people feel guilty for watching and enjoying movies.

I thank you for the freedom you give us. The glorious freedom! Father, with your wind under our sails, our spirits can fly! We are allowed to dwell in your presence!

Father, I am completely undeserving of your love. Father, I feel that I am weak and half-hearted, even at my best. I can talk about you all day long, but I enter into your presence (or even think of it) far too rarely.

Yet you pour your love into me, like Multnomah Falls into its basin.

I thank you for my family and the love we share. It's only because of your grace that I enjoy such a good relationship with each one of my family members. Thank you for increasing us in love. Thank you also for my WorldView family and my extended family.

Thank you for the Newmans, and the present they got me. I'm glad we can joke with each other and laugh. I don't ever want to be in a place in my life where I've lost my ability to joke, to find humor in something. I really really want to write an article about that.

Thank you so much, my dear Father, for the Queen of Arts and England. Her friendship casts such a warm glow on my life. Thank you for the conversation we had last night and how she turns my thoughts towards you.

God, I've experienced some hard things over the past few decades, but nothing worth complaining about when you consider all the lovely things you have filled my cup with. Jesus, you are the best lover. You love with a pure love none can match. All the metaphors in nature can only hint at character of the love you have for me.

So why do I leave this love? Why do I... Oh, I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get the hang of living with you, God. I don't know that I'll ever love you with the love you deserve. Not here anyway.

You have restored my life! You have brought healing and love filling in the dry cracks. I don't know how to say it, really, but I'm grateful. And I guess we can for now just leave it at that. I love you (because you love me).

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

A Broken Heart Love's Cradle Is (Grateful Tuesdays #12 & 13)

Father,

I'm remember thinking yesterday that it's been a while since I needed your grace. What a terrible thing to think; I don't ever want to fall into that frame of mind again.

I thank you for your grace; I thank you that you seek restoration. How terrible it would be if you delighted in tripping us up. How wonderful it is that you instead bring healing. You are a warrior and a healer, like the best heroes in stories.

Stories.

What a confusing place this world is! Everyone has so many opinions and I'm never really sure what to think. I wonder if I want too much to follow you; if I'm too fevered and in my fervor I miss something, if it would be better for me just to rest.

Father, I'm reminded once again that I can talk with no one the way I talk with you. I hope you don't mind my being so free with you. It's just that, I need to talk with someone this way, and you seem the most willing to listen. Also you are always listening. Which I thank you for.

I think clouds are a marvelous design, God. Floating water? Who would have thought of that? And to see light refracted in the tiny water molecules (yes, I know, all water molecules are tiny) is something that would set anybody straight if they stopped to think about it.

Thank you for golden hour! Thank you for beauty in general.

How tragic that we don't see you when we look at your creation, God, or at the state of the world. How sad it is that so many are blind. I thank you so much for what you've allowed me to see; I don't deserve life or love more than anyone else.

Thank you once again for grace, restoration and healing.

Thank you for all my friends and all the people who could come to my birthday party; thank you for how much fun that was. I feel very spoiled, to be honest. Whether by you or not, I don't know. Thank you for my friend, Moriah and that we could celebrate together. Thank you that Eucharisto could come.

The sight of a bird flying just right against the wind so that it just stays in one spot is a beautiful thing, God. A small wonder.

Thank you that my friendship with my sister gets deeper each day; what a beautiful thing there.

Thank you that my application is finally submitted! Oi, I didn't handle that situation well.

I just want to do what's right, God. I think. I want to be loved, deeper than (I see now) any human can love me. Help me to see your love for me, and help me to know the truth.

I love you.

Amen

Words

I think "myriad" is a fine word.

Note: "Alot" is not a word, neither is (according to Walter Strunk Jr.) "alright". Both should be written as two words.

Notice

Dear Internet World,

My birthday is in four days. You had all better be buying me presents.

Right Next to You (Grateful Tuesdays #11)

Dear God,

Thank you for old, black and white film. For the scratches and for the jumps. The aesthetics of it is so pleasing. So real.

I thank you for the promise of being real some day.

Thank you for the view outside our bedroom window. For the crow that just flew by, casting its shadow on the frost covered roof of the church next door. The frost almost makes the roof look attractive.

I thank you for beautiful church buildings. For the stone and the stained glass, the way the light filters in, kind of respectfully in that it enter the church very slowly and quietly.

Ouch! Growth is hard, God. To be humbled by you is hard. In a way I hate it, but I also know that it's a part of bringing me closer to you. So I thank you for the humbling you're doing to me, even though I'd rather it didn't have to happen.

Thank you that I can be vulnerable with you, that that's all you really want of me.

Thank you that you are greater than our heart, even if our heart condemns us.

Thank you for Ada and Inman, how Inman's life kind of remind me of my life, his wanderings and desire to do the right thing. God, did you know it's hard for us humans to do the right thing? It's hard for me anyway. I don't know why I have so much trouble with it; other people seem to have an easier time with it.

Thank you for our walk yesterday. I'd rather be alone with you in Mt. Tabor park than anyone else, and I mean that.

Thank you for my friend BDT and for the opportunities he's had to share you with those around him. Thank you also so much for getting to spend time with him tonight. I see you so much more clearly when he's around.

Thank you for letting us go trick-or-treating with some of the most wonderful people around.

Thank you for Jason and how he keeps me growing even though it's hard.

Okay, God, you want me heading towards bed right now. Be with me throughout my week, God. I don't want to give a false picture of you; I don't want to worship a false you. Thank you for how I see you working.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

My Spirit Broad Awake (Grateful Tuesdays #10)

Dear God,

Thank you for my Dad and his willingness to sit with me and work through my application. I hate paperwork, but this needs to get done. I'm so grateful that I have a dad who doesn't leave me to handle this all myself (he kind of reflects you that way, doesn't he?)

Thank you for how you've shown that this thing with Seattle Pacific is a part of your plan. I like being lead by you, and I really really like it when I know that it's you leading.

Thank you for the word "dwell". Right now I'm not always working in an place that's not 100% of you, but I can rest in that which is of you. I dwell in your presence.

I'm so glad to be practicing what I preach and being in the world but not of it. Thank you for this opportunity to see beyond myself.

I'm so selfish and of such a limited vision. Limited in that I really only see myself. Although, you know that's not 100% true, because the other day a fellow was telling me about how you, God, would have to come down from Heaven and walk up to him and say hello. I was looking at a tree, its leaves turning to Autumn colors while he was talking, and thought about how blind he was. I see you in trees. I see you everywhere, so I guess I don't only see myself. Though it sure feels like it at times.

Thank you for giving a broader view of your world, through this film thing, God. I look at normal people I pass on the street a little differently now, God. How much you love them, God. And how heartbreaking that they hate you. You know that I've told you that I hate you. But you always pull me through it, and you and I come out on the other side, better acquainted because of it. I come out better known. And isn't that the point?

My God, I thank you for being real! For asking only that I present the real me to you! These people talk as if a life with you would be a life of hiding and fakery. Did they ever know you? Don't they see that life apart from you is the fake life? I wonder why you allow there blindness continue.

Thank you for Sufjan Stevens, and the Danielson Family and all those other artists who encourage me by listening to your voice instead of the world's. What companionship I find with these friends! Thank you for companionship. Thank you for Eucharisto and The Queen of Arts and England and my family and Tuesday's Child (from whom I completely stole the title for this post) and Katie and all those other wonderful people who teach me how to walk on this road and where to look to see you better.

I thank you for existence, though, you should know, it can get very messy at times. Lot's of sad things going on here, God. Lots of miscommunication. Lies, you know. And people getting mixed up as to what's really going on.

God, we need you.

I guess all we need do is open our eyes, huh? To see you and what you're doing? If only I was awake! Go ahead, God. Like Tuesday's Child said, stab my spirit broad awake. Let me see you for the first time.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

A Good Famile

I can't tell you how glad I am that there are people making music (and music videos) like this.

I also can't really explain why. (Not right now anyway.) However, if you'd like more information on these particular friends of God, then simply click here.

Good Books

I'm compiling a list of really good books, but, because of my scattered brain, I need your help. What titles am I missing? (Man, this set up sounds like a set up for a grade-school puzzle: "Jim-Bo is trying to organise all his socks, but he needs your help! Can you put all the blue socks in their proper basket without getting eaten by the wild, man-eating candy bar? Give it a try!)

Here are the titles I have so far:

Addicted to Mediocrity
Brendan
The Elements of Style
Fahrenheit 451
Gilead
Godric
The Great Divorce
Leaving Ruin
The Lord of the Rings
The Man Who Was Thursday
Orthodoxy
Peace Like a River
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
Perelandra
Soul Survivor
Searching for God Knows What
The Silmarillion
The Storm
Till We Have Faces
Wishful Thinking
Watership Down
What’s So Amazing About Grace?

UPDATE 10/27:But wait! There's more; here are the titles that have both been suggested by you and have lept out at me:

The Adventures of Hucklebery Finn
Cry, the Beloved Country
To Kill a Mockingbird
Walking on Water
A Wrinkle In Time

Keep the suggestions coming!

Where the Wind Calls Your Name (Grateful Tuesdays #9)

Dear God,

I'm in a little bit of a hurry today, but hopefully my attitude of thanks won't stop when I hit "Publish".

I thank you for my friends. I thank you for how refreshing they are, I don't know if this is a good thing to be glad for or not, but I am really glad that they don't swear like the inmates in Shawshank Redemption and that they don't smoke like chimneys.

I'm grateful for the ways I've seen you work your restoration in relationships and the ways I've seen you answer prayer on the film set. I'm glad to be praying for people who don't know you, which is really experience I haven't known before.

I'm grateful for you. You are my God. You are the I AM THAT I AM. You are the perfect Trinity, perfect in love and truth and a burning fiercely joyous holiness. The fire of your presence consumes that which is not of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for turning from something that is not of you into something that is of you. I am now made of the stuff of Heaven. All thanks and glory goes to you. It's all because of you, I AM.

I grateful that you and I both got the joke above, the reference to one of your servant's songs, a pun that a lot of people missed. I'm more glad than I can say that you caught the joke though.

Thank you for being beyond me. Way, way beyond me. How horrible to have a god that you define! Instead of one that defines you. I'm so glad that you created, gave life and breath and define me. I would have no other do so.

I thank you that you (1) call me to live and love you with wild abandon and (2) enable me to love you in such a way.

I also that you that your love for me is vibrant and bold. Any love I've felt, for you or anyone else pales in comparison. If only I could love you with the love you have for me!

Thank you for music. All styles, including country (when it's done right). I'm grateful for Rock 'n' Roll also. I'm glad that you like it to. I know you do, because I've seen you use it to communicate yourself.

Thank you for not leaving us high dry, thank you for always offering your presence. Allow me to walk and breath and live your presence for the rest of my life.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Consider My Tears (Grateful Tuesdays #8)

Father,

I exalt you in front of everyone who cares to look. You alone are complete. You alone love, and you decided to pour your completion and your love into our hearts (or, as Lamentations might have it, "heart" singular). Well, first you decided to create us, to communicate us into existence, and that itself was an act of love. You could have kept your love to yourself, you perfect Trinity you, and none of us would have been any the wiser. But that's not what you decided to do. Instead you have given us life, and you keep giving us life even after we reject it time and again. That's the part that I think is pretty amazing. Well, I mean, it's all pretty amazing. I wonder why that is? It's just the truth, why should the truth be amazing? Wow, maybe I should get off this philosophical limb before it cracks under me. I'll think about it later.

Dear God, I thank you for what I see right now: For my watch and for The Paradox of Mr. Pond by G. K. Chesterton, even though I haven't read it and for Albert, who serves me faithfully despite Jason's mockings of Macs.

I thank you for good grammar, God. And for good punctuation. I wish I had better writing and punctuation. It seems silly to be thanking you for something like that, but I guess what I'm really thanking you for is for that which leads to effective communication. Communication is maybe a little bit of a boring word, but it's so romantic! What high adventures lie in wait for he who decides to join the quest for good communication! What fearsome dragons and terrible ogres! But what great battles! The blood and the smell and the stickiness of it all. God you know that, even now, even though spirit soars at the beauty of it, I shirk from such a life. I run and hide my head in the nearest bush. Without you, that is. I need you, God; you call me to real life, but you forget that I'm a ghost, not fit for that world. Don't forget. Don't leave me to lift rocks I can't even grasp.

But you haven't, have you, God? If anyone's done the leaving it's been me, hasn't it? Thank you for your faithfulness. Do you know what I mean by "faithfulness", God? It's kind of a boring word, isn't it, God? What I mean by it is not so much a dog's kind of faithfulness, the kind that is faithful just because it's kind of blind and doesn't really know any better, but rather the faithfulness of Hosea, who saw everything his wife had done and loved her anyway. That's crazy, God. But it's a reflection of your love. Thank you for your love, God; I've done much worse thing to you then Hosea's wife ever did to him, and you intensely love me anyway. Your love burns for me, and I think that's crazy.

God, even when I come to you with fake tears on my face and poison in my walk, you listen to me and guide me back to a better way of doing.

Thank you for tea, and for friends and for tea with friends. Thank you for the delightful tea I had this morning and for the delight company I shared it with.

Thank you a million times over for everyone who is praying for me. I value that so much. I'm so needful of it.

Thank you for Desta, who loves me, God and sees you in me. Thank you that he's praying for me and for what he has reminded me about prayer and my relationship with you and about obedience. God, I want to be obedient so bad. I want to please you, to present myself pleasing to you. I'm so bad at showing my love for you. I can talk all day long about you, God, but when it comes time to act, I simply go limp. I do nothing.

And yet you love me. With an intense love that I have never known the like of in my own flesh.

Thank you for brilliant sunsets! And for Katie and the friend that she is. Thank you for my family. Thank you for chalk and for chalkboards. I do love to draw on a chalkboard.

But the chalkboard in front of me says it's time to get back to work. God, don't let this thanksgiving stop; let this be only the beginning.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

The vacuum cleaner about the bullfrog does what now?

This is a peice of spam mail that I probably should have deleted, but I found it so vastly entertaining that I decided to share it with you, my dear friends. I might turn it into a My Old Sketchbook event sometime.

==

If a freight train caricatures some paycheck about another light bulb, then a freight train defined by the submarine procrastinates. When you see some hypnotic reactor, it means that a grizzly bear living with the cargo bay hibernates. When a hypnotic football team rejoices, a briar patch starts reminiscing about lost glory. A fruit cake beyond a bartender competes with the unstable polar bear.

Any plaintiff can be a big fan of the skyscraper beyond a cab driver, but it takes a real ball bearing to take a peek at a shabby razor blade. Sometimes a demon reads a magazine, but a light bulb defined by a skyscraper always operates a small fruit stand with the blithe spirit about a hydrogen atom! When a scythe living with a turkey is magnificent, a gentle fighter pilot competes with a stovepipe near a warranty. A vacuum cleaner about the bullfrog self-flagellates, and the minivan of the fairy beams with joy; however, a deficit for an earring makes a truce with the reactor about another paycheck. Some precise warranty

A light bulb toward another ocean Indeed, another optimal power drill hardly pours freezing cold water on another tuba player. A girl scout buys an expensive gift for an earring. Any roller coaster can have a change of heart about a cargo bay about a briar patch, but it takes a real paycheck to wisely graduate from the seldom precise fighter pilot. A fractured briar patch beams with joy, and another knowingly statesmanlike tomato hesitates; however, the underhandedly elusive photon makes love to the sheriff about a pork chop.

Most people believe that a greasy cargo bay avoids contact with an avocado pit, but they need to remember how almost a chain saw ruminates. An umbrella for a warranty is highly paid. For example, a ball bearing related to the dust bunny indicates that a cab driver non-chalantly gives a pink slip to a judge inside a photon. When you see an asteroid, it means that a hockey player laughs out loud. If a freight train caricatures some paycheck about another light bulb, then a freight train defined by the submarine procrastinates. When you see some hypnotic reactor, it means that a grizzly bear living with the cargo bay hibernates. When a hypnotic football team rejoices, a briar patch starts reminiscing about lost glory. A fruit cake beyond a bartender competes with the unstable polar bear.

Sometimes a somewhat mitochondrial fairy flies into a rage, but the college-educated corporation always completely avoids contact with a fundraiser! Sometimes some sheriff for a mortician prays, but the magnificent cowboy always is a big fan of an asteroid! Some defendant is righteous. The cosmopolitan traffic light single-handledly secretly admires some tattered tabloid. When a cosmopolitan grain of sand prays, a chestnut living with an industrial complex hides. A turkey daydreams, or the parking lot hesitantly tries to seduce another tornado living with the ocean. Another completely outer movie theater learns a hard lesson from a polar bear. A rattlesnake defined by a freight train recognizes the cab driver inside the avocado pit.

Another CEO inside a warranty takes a coffee break, and a so-called pickup truck leaves; however, a fundraiser beyond an ocean knows a roller coaster from a blithe spirit. When you see the wheelbarrow, it means that some carpet tack from a salad dressing starts reminiscing about lost glory. When the proverbial pine cone hibernates, a college-educated graduated cylinder wakes up. The freight train for a mortician has a change of heart about a satellite. Sometimes the college-educated jersey cow flies into a rage, but a wisely obsequious hole puncher always knowingly gives lectures on morality to a tomato! A light bulb toward another ocean

Before...

[Faithful readers, somebody recently asked me to spend at least three hundred words describing what I believe in. This is the very bad first draft of the answer. The final (much shorter and hopefully much better) draft will soon follow, God-willing.]

I believe in God. In the God revealed by the Bible. I believe in the Trinity, that is to say, in a complete, whole and holy Entity which exists in perfect communication. I believe that this God is the only entity which has always existed. Though, “exist” is a sticky word and doesn’t technically line up with my beliefs since “exist” implies a “coming from” something. God hasn’t “come from” anything. Everything has “come from” God.

Part of the “everything” that God has communicated into existence (an accurate use of the word this time) are angels, human beings and the planet Earth (who, for some reason, is the only one of these three who gets to be capitalized). I don’t know a whole lot about angels, but I know that they (like everything else) were created to glorify God. What I mean by this is that they were made to be a bit like prisms which God could shine his perfect completeness into causing the light of who he is to scatter throughout all creation. And I know that one of the angels, the one that was perhaps the biggest prism and refracted the most light decided that, instead of spreading God around, it was maybe time for creation to get a taste of him, without God. He convinced (I’m told) about a third of the other angels to join him in quest to glorify that which is not God.

We have been getting a taste of Lucifer (and those with him) without God for the past six thousand years or so (or however long it’s been since he convinced us to turn our backs on God in the Garden in which man was born). He now hates God and his light and has set himself against anyone who seeks to  serve that light, that is anyone who seeks to do that which he was doing before his rebellion. God, being the gentleman he is, has prepared a place for this darkened prism, a place without God since that seems to be the angel’s preference. The place is called Hell, and it is the only place that is completely void of God’s presence. Everyone who enters eternity with a desire to be void of God will go there.

I suppose that some words about Hell’s opposite are in order. If Hell is the total absence of God then Heaven is it’s opposite in that it is the pure presence of God. One thing that keeps Hell and Heaven from being total opposites is that Hell depends on Heaven’s existence whereas Heaven is completely independent of Hell. Hell is dependent in the same sense that a man who takes pride in living outside a certain city is dependent on having a city to be living outside of. Without the city he just lives, which seems like a good thing to me, but for those who choose Hell it is not enough to merely live, they must live apart from something (this is why I fear America’s emphasis on being independent, I fear we are raising a legion of Milton’s-Satan types who would rather reign outside the city then serve anywhere).

So here we are presented with two Kingdoms. The Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of That-Which-Is-Not-God. Inside the city walls and outside the walls. True independence and false independence. Obedience, service to the King (for every kingdom must have a king), or rebellion. Mankind was originally created in God’s Kingdom, in communication with the Trinity. God created Adam and Eve to be representatives for mankind, which is another way of saying that whatever they did we would’ve done the same had we been in their shoes, and gave them a choice: To dwell in his Kingdom, obey him and receive life from him, or to try to make it on their own. Our parents, under the influence of a fallen Lucifer, fell in favor of the latter.

This is where you and I and rest of mankind come into the picture. Our parents decided to dwell outside the city, thus we, their children, were all born outside the city. God said to Adam and Eve that they would surely die if they disobeyed him. This makes sense if we think of disobedience as a kind of turning away. In a way Adam and Eve cut off communication with (turned their back on) their Creator, and since we were designed to live on communication with our Creator, just as a car is designed to run on gasoline, it makes sense that rebellion in this case is described as death. So Adam and Eve were led by Satan (but of their own will) into death, and this is were they birthed all of us.

So now a whole race of walking breathing contradictions exists: A people who feel that somehow this world, this planet is somehow very much their home and someplace from which they can derive comfort companionship and yet, at the same time, feel it very hostile and very broken. We’ve strayed the realm of poets.

So we see that (because of the choice of Adam and Eve) people arrive in this world opposed to the one who gives them life. In other words, we all arrive dead, stillborn.

Who will bring us life? It must be someone who himself is alive, so it can’t be another human, yet humans are the ones who erred, so a human must take on the promised penalty of death. Eternal death, a God-sized penalty.

And now we come of course the most well-known part of this whole story. The part where - and I cannot say this part without worshipping my beautifully creative God - the second person of the Trinity, in order to rescue us from the wilderness of our exile and rebellion, became a human and, after living among us, living in time and skin and loneliness and laughter and tears, dust and sweat, this God-who-was-man shouldered our debt of death, and brought life to those who would grab hold of him. He came out of God’s city, into our wilderness, and compels us to follow him.

I am one of those who has been brought to life, who has grabbed hold of this savior for dear life. Though, God knows, sometimes my embrace is more out of anger or fear than anything else. But I can’t let go, even if I want to. For one thing, he’s also holding me, and (I’m told) he always will, for another no matter how hard, or how foolish or how exhausting (like a candle going out) it is to be with this One, this Love of mine, no matter how much I hate it at times. I could never leave him. He contains all life; there is no life outside of him. I am a failure, a failure of epic proportions, but he is the ultimate success. And he has given me his name, and I (in his Father’s eyes, which, unlike mine, see the Truth fully) have become like him, and this is something worth thinking about.

This is a facinating little story...

"The Day WWIII Almost Began"

(Or: Darn those computers! Now half the planet's missing!)

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